Monday, August 8, 2011

New Year's Eve

Grade Nine

KAR, KT, S + E sit in KT’s room talking.

KAR: I don't know, I don't mind Green Day.  
KT: I hate Green Day.
KAR: I like Jesus of Suburbia.
S: Me too!  What time is it? Is it almost midnight?
KT: It's 11:37.
KAR: It's almost midnight!
E: Okay that’s enough! Can we stop talking about Green Day now?
KT: What?
S: We weren't...We were talking about New Years!
E: Oh. Okay.  You know what we should do while we wait?
KAR: What?
E: We should make opium.
S: Make opium?
E: Yeah I know how to make it.
KAR: Really?
E: Oh yeah!  All I need are some poppy seeds.
KT: I’m pretty sure you need special poppy seeds, not just the kind you buy at Safeway.
E: No any poppy seeds will work, because I know how to extract the opium.  All poppy seeds can be potent if you know how to prepare them.  Do you have any?
KT: Yeah there’s probably some in the baking cupboard.

KT finds a bag of poppy seeds.

E: You guys all want to try it right?  We’ll need four cups.
KT: Well I don’t know…
E: It’s just poppy seeds.
KAR: I’ll try it.
S: Me too.
KT: Yeah okay I guess.

KT gets four cups while E finds lemon juice in the fridge; he pours some juice into each cup along with some poppy seeds.

E: Okay, now we take them outside and set them in the snow and leave them there.  The cold will bring out the opium faster.
KT: We should take them outside after midnight.
KAR: Oh yeah!  What time is it?
S: Oh no!
E: Fuck!  It’s 12:03!
KAR: We missed it!
KT: Belated countdown!
ALL: 10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1... HAPPY NEW YEARS!!

They run outside with the cups screaming HAPPY NEW YEARS down the street.  For the next ten or so minutes, until they find a secluded snowy spot to put their potential drugs.  They then continue to walk around the neighbourhood, counting backwards from ten loudly and yelling HAPPY NEW YEARS at the top of their lungs.  Finally their throats get sore and they are just walking.

E: Hey, do you smell pot?
KT: You know that song, by NOFX?
KAR: Herijuana? 
S: Do you smell pot?
KT: Hey you know the song Herijuana?
E: The one by NOFX?
S: Which song by NOFX?
KAR: Herijuana.
S: Oh!
KT: Do you smell pot?
E: Hey do you guys know NOFX?
KT: Oh yeah, they sing Herijuana!
KAR: Does anyone smell pot?
S: Who sings Herijuana?
E: Hey do you smell NOFX?

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