Monday, August 29, 2011


The four of us - KT, Liz, Sam and I - awoke in KT's room and immediately jumped out of bed - we needed an early start on our quest.  Still in our pajamas, KT in her slippers, we set off for Safeway. 

As we walked to the local grocery store, Liz glanced at her phone and frantically informed us it was nearing 7:00.  We picked up the pace - we weren't terribly far but we needed to beat THEM.

We approached the parking lot; we saw THEM nearing the entrance.  We began to run.

We sprinted to the entrance just in time to be the first ones there as the doors opened - we won.  Almost.

Straight to the day-old baked goods; we definitely won.  We got first pick of the cheap food and each spent our few dollars on a variety of goodies.  

We sat on Safeway's sidewalk enjoying our feast.  Having each spent five dollars or less, we ended up with a loaf of french bread, spinach dip, some donuts, a pack of cinnamon buns, several types of cookies, a pie, two cakes, a pack of muffins, and some drinks.  I had a large carton of milk - a couple litres to last me all morning.

We had eaten as much food as we possibly could.

SAM: We have so much left over!
KT: We can take it home!
KAR: Yeah we can have it for lunch!
LIZ: I'm so full.
KAR: Me too. 
SAM: I can't believe we finished both of those cakes.
KT: I can't believe we beat the old people!
LIZ: Yeah and Winnipeg Harvest too!
KAR: It was close though, when we were running across the parking lot I definitely thought they'd win.

A couple of old people pass by and ask us if we're having a picnic.  We confirm that we are having a sidewalk dessert picnic. 

KT: So what do we want to do now?
LIZ: We could go to Tim Horton's.
KT: Let's see how long it will take us to get kicked out!
KAR: We could sing!
KT: Yeah!  What should we sing?
KAR: Let's sing Courtney Love songs!
KT: Okay, that shouldn't take too long to get us kicked out.
SAM: I'm not singing Courtney Love songs in Tim Horton's!

After singing several Courtney Love songs loudly in Tim Horton's, our throats got tired and we got bored.  So we gave up and the four of us walked back to KT's will all of our food.

KT, Liz and I drop Sam off at her house and continue to KT's.  Upon arrival we open our food bags and have a snack, finishing most of the food we bought.

Monday, August 8, 2011

New Year's Eve

Grade Nine

KAR, KT, S + E sit in KT’s room talking.

KAR: I don't know, I don't mind Green Day.  
KT: I hate Green Day.
KAR: I like Jesus of Suburbia.
S: Me too!  What time is it? Is it almost midnight?
KT: It's 11:37.
KAR: It's almost midnight!
E: Okay that’s enough! Can we stop talking about Green Day now?
KT: What?
S: We weren't...We were talking about New Years!
E: Oh. Okay.  You know what we should do while we wait?
KAR: What?
E: We should make opium.
S: Make opium?
E: Yeah I know how to make it.
KAR: Really?
E: Oh yeah!  All I need are some poppy seeds.
KT: I’m pretty sure you need special poppy seeds, not just the kind you buy at Safeway.
E: No any poppy seeds will work, because I know how to extract the opium.  All poppy seeds can be potent if you know how to prepare them.  Do you have any?
KT: Yeah there’s probably some in the baking cupboard.

KT finds a bag of poppy seeds.

E: You guys all want to try it right?  We’ll need four cups.
KT: Well I don’t know…
E: It’s just poppy seeds.
KAR: I’ll try it.
S: Me too.
KT: Yeah okay I guess.

KT gets four cups while E finds lemon juice in the fridge; he pours some juice into each cup along with some poppy seeds.

E: Okay, now we take them outside and set them in the snow and leave them there.  The cold will bring out the opium faster.
KT: We should take them outside after midnight.
KAR: Oh yeah!  What time is it?
S: Oh no!
E: Fuck!  It’s 12:03!
KAR: We missed it!
KT: Belated countdown!
ALL: 10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1... HAPPY NEW YEARS!!

They run outside with the cups screaming HAPPY NEW YEARS down the street.  For the next ten or so minutes, until they find a secluded snowy spot to put their potential drugs.  They then continue to walk around the neighbourhood, counting backwards from ten loudly and yelling HAPPY NEW YEARS at the top of their lungs.  Finally their throats get sore and they are just walking.

E: Hey, do you smell pot?
KT: You know that song, by NOFX?
KAR: Herijuana? 
S: Do you smell pot?
KT: Hey you know the song Herijuana?
E: The one by NOFX?
S: Which song by NOFX?
KAR: Herijuana.
S: Oh!
KT: Do you smell pot?
E: Hey do you guys know NOFX?
KT: Oh yeah, they sing Herijuana!
KAR: Does anyone smell pot?
S: Who sings Herijuana?
E: Hey do you smell NOFX?



KSENIA: Hello?
KAR: Hey Ksenia, guess what!
KAR: I just downloaded a bunch of music!
KSENIA: Really?
KAR: Yeah!  You want to come over and listen to it?
KSENIA: Okay!  I'll be right over!
KAR: Kay cool!

KSENIA comes over and they sit at the computer listening to music, while their younger siblings play dress-up loudly in the basement.  They soon come running up the stairs.

K: Come play dress-up with us!
KSENIA: We're busy.
E: Aren't you  just listening to music?
KAR: Ellen we're busy!
K: We need more people for our game!
KAR: Get Stuart to play.
S: I am playing!
KAR: Well we don't want to play right now, we're on the computer.
E: Fine, we're telling!
KAR: Wait!

E, K + S run out to the backyard where both sets of parents are sitting on the patio.

K: Karren and Ksenia won't play with us!
S: Yeah all they're doing is listening to music.
E: Karren's been on the computer all day!
KAR's MOM: Okay okay, tell them to come outside.

They run back inside yelling.

E+K+S: KARREN!  KSENIA!  GUYS!  You have to come outside!  Mom wants to talk to you!

KAR and KSENIA unhappily report to the backyard.

KAR'S MOM: Can't you play with them for a while?
KAR: We're on the computer!
KSENIA'S MOM: Just listening to music apparently.
KSENIA: Karren just downloaded it!
KSENIA'S MOM: Oh just play with them for a little while.
KAR: Fine.
KSENIA: I guess so.
KAR: I don't even know what to dress up as.
KSENIA: Yeah they already took all the good costumes.
KAR: What am I supposed to wear?
KAR'S MOM: You could... just put on a hat and pretend that you're cool.
KAR: Put on a hat and pretend I'm cool?  Thanks Mom.
KAR'S MOM: Oh wait, that's not what I meant!  I don't mean you're not cool!  Sure you're cool honey!
KAR: Okay.  I'm going back inside.

KAR and KSENIA play dress-up with them for a while, then return to their music.  A short while after that, they run outside to the parents with exciting news.

KSENIA: You guys have to come inside!
KSENIA'S MOM: Oh, why?
KSENIA: That's where the computer is!  We have some interpretive dances to some rap songs we want to show you!
KAR: We have everything all set up you just need to come inside!

The parents all go into the house, where KSENIA and KAR proceed to interpretive dance to their favourite Eminem songs.  Much to the delight of the adults, of course.

Devious Scheme

Sometime in Grade 7.

KAR runs into KT’s kitchen holding a pad of Post-It notes.

KAR: KT look! Look what I have!
KT: Post-It notes?
KAR: Yes! Let’s label things!
KT: Like what?
KAR: I’m gonna label your kitchen!
KT: The whole kitchen?
KAR: Yes and I have a scheme!
KT: What is it?
KAR: I’m gonna surprise your parents by labeling everything in your kitchen… but I’m going to label everything wrong!
KT: To frustrate them even further?
KAR: No, to confuse them! They’ll come in and want to get a glass from the cupboard, but the cupboard will be labeled ‘sink’, and the fridge labeled ‘cupboard’! The dishwasher will be labeled ‘microwave’ and the microwave ‘freezer’, the freezer will be ‘oven’ and the oven will be ‘hungry vicious lion’ just to remind people to steer clear of ovens as they will kill you in a horrific painful way.
KT: Uh… kay, I’m just gonna be here on IRC so… good luck with that.
KAR: Oh thanks.

KT and Kar Again

KT and KAR are sitting in KT’s kitchen; the phone rings.

KAR: I’ll get it! Jumps towards the phone.
KT: No wait I’ll-
KAR: Hello, Rogers’ residence, Mr Rogers speaking! 
KT: Goddamnit Kar.
KAR: Shh, it’s your mom. Hi Mom! Mhm. Oh I don’t know, I feel like anything. To KT: Hey KT, what do you feel like for dinner?
KT: Uh…
KAR: Into the phone: Do you need to go grocery shopping at all? Really? I’d love to! After dinner? Okay. One second. To KT: Me and your mom are going grocery shopping after dinner, do you want to come?
KT: Uh, no I’m good.
KAR: Okay. Into the phone: KT? Oh, yeah sure no problem, hold on. To KT: Hey it’s for you, it’s your Mom.  Hands the phone to KT. 
KT: Hi mom. Yeah I know, I tried to answer it first… no that’s just how she’s been answering phones lately. She thinks she’s Mr. Rogers. Mhm. No she hasn’t found the glue. Okay. I don’t know, spaghetti maybe? Yeah Kar likes spaghetti. Okay. Bye. Hangs up the phone. 
KAR: What did she say about me? 
KT: Um. That she loves you. 
KAR: Oh yay! This is one of the reasons I need to marry Stitchup, his last name is actually Rogers! It’s some kind of sign. What’s the opposite of an omen? This is a good omen!

KT: Just because some kid on IRC has the last name of Rogers while you’re simultaneously being batshit insane, doesn’t mean it’s a good omen…
KAR: No, see, there were actually three good omens so far about him being my soulmate!
KT: Oh? What were the other two? 
KAR: Well one is that we got internet-married a couple of days ago. 
KT: Oh yeah I heard about that.
KAR: Yeah! And the third one, I asked him when his birthday is, and apparently it’s the same day that me and Toby broke up! That must mean something.
KT: Isn’t he going to jail for beating someone up with a baseball bat? 
KAR: Um… I don’t think they’ve sentenced him yet.
KT: You have such great taste in guys.
KAR: Right?!

Science Class PART 2

The bell rings; everyone enters the classroom and sits down.

HUTSAL: Okay, so how did things go with the substitute yesterday? Did everybody complete the worksheet?
KID 1: Well we didn’t really know how to do it.
HUTSAL: Well the adult I had watching you must have been an idiot. Okay, open your textbooks to the electricity chapter.
KID 2: Can you go over the conductor thing again?
HUTSAL: Thanks kids, that’s a good question. I’d say that, I’d say it was a good question. 

A kid sneezes.

HUTSAL: That was a nice sneeze. Now, you should all know that report cards are coming out soon, and despite all the comments I wrote about you, I still like you guys.  I just want your parents to know. Now, back to electricity. Okay, conductors and grounding. Oh hey, speaking of report cards! That’ll be a word you’ll be hearing a lot next week hey guys? Grounding! Haha.

HUTSAL gets out his cell phone and begins playing with it.

HUTSAL: Haha, that was pretty funny.  My worst subject was always English. I was sitting beside a very distracting guy, and I just couldn’t pay attention. He’s a friend of mine though, John Lowen. My little guys call him Lowen. I know you’re studying Shakespeare in English, so you just have to remember not to sit beside him.

HUTSAL continues playing with his phone.

HUTSAL: Sometimes I get text messages. Reading from his phone’s screen: “Pick me up at the side doors.” We have about nine phones, it’s dumb. Without cell phones though it would only be about five. When I was a kid we sure didn’t have that many phones. I wish Mrs. Malcolm was here. You know, if there’s a wire coming out of your phone, you could DIE. Speaking of wires, electricity. I’m just waiting to see if Mrs. Malcolm comes in, she can tell us about phones when she was a kid. If we didn’t have one of those phone-finder things…gee. It was under the bed the whole time! That one time I lost my phone.
KID 4: Can I go to the washroom?
HUTSAL: Go quick.

KID 4 leaves the room.

HUTSAL: Okay, so we’ll have a test next Monday.
KID 7: How much will it be worth?
HUTSAL: Well the lightning questions alone will be six marks, and that’s just lightning! So the rest will probab- excuse me, will you stop kicking that chair? You can kick chairs all you want, I don’t care, but do it on your own time. 
KID 7: Wait so, what will the whole test be out of...?
HUTSAL: Oh let’s just worry about covering all of the material. You’ll see in your textbooks there’s some true or false questions, we’ll go over those now.  Number one, a safe place to stay during a lightning storm is under a tree. True. Number two, when lightning…

HUTSAL’s voice fades out as KAR begins talking quietly to SAM.

KAR: Number one is true?
SAM: Apparently Mr. Hutsal sits under trees during lightning storms.
KAR: Well it is the safest place to be.
SAM: Haha. I hope nobody takes advice from this.

HUTSAL is still talking.

HUTSAL: …and some cords work better than others, the cord I usually use for it is a big thick cord with a big thick head-

A few kids are snickering.

HUTSAL: ANTHONY, SMARTEN UP.  Come on guys, be a little mature here. You know when my guys are being idiots I- like this morning! One of my guys slept in! I mean it wasn’t his fault, it was the alarm clock’s fault. Anyway, I’m trying to help you guys understand this stuff. I’m not hanging you, you’re hanging yourselves.  Okay, let’s see how much you guys have learned. Kyle, explain why… um, hmm… explain why… why…

HUTSAL continues pondering.

KID 3: Can I change seats? He keeps kicking my chair!
KID 5: I am not!
KID 3: Yes you are! I want to change seats!
HUTSAL: Oh, I don’t like the idea of changing seats. This isn’t some kind of club where- do you wanna hold hands, guys? Looking at guys on the other side of the room. Well stop touching him! Anyway, that’s why the current goes up, because more doors are opening.

KID 4 returns.

HUTSAL: Got a little bored in the washroom? Do some interesting reading?
KID 4: Uh, no…
HUTSAL: Well you missed some important stuff. 
KID 4: Kay.
HUTSAL: Kids don’t worry as much as they used to, huh? I mean I don’t think any of you are losing any sleep over this, are any of you losing any sleep? I don’t think you’re losing any sleep at all.  But you need to pay attention, or else it’s tough tiddlywinks for you when it’s test-time. 


Science Class PART 1


[Note: These are all ACTUAL Hutsal quotes.  We paid a lot of attention.]

Everyone walks into science class, KAR sits in a desk beside SAM.  HUTSAL starts talking.

HUTSAL: Okay everybody, get out your textbooks and the homework that’s due.
KID 1: What’s due?
HUTSAL: What was due today… Actually, it was pretty quiet yesterday.
KID 1: So nothing is due?
HUTSAL: Now I didn’t say that. No, you see, the people who fail science are the ones that do absolutely very little.
KID 1: Uh… okay.
HUTSAL: You know some people say ‘television’ instead of TV. But it’s TV.
KAR: To SAM: I didn’t do my homework…
SAM: I did part of it.
HUTSAL: Are you guys paying attention?
KAR: Yes.
HUTSAL: It’s good to pay attention to me you know, because otherwise you’ll be paying attention to someone else. Anyway, next question.  Oh, haha. Question one.
KID 2: So we did have homework?
HUTSAL: Yes you had homework! Are you not paying attention?
KID 2: I was paying attention!
HUTSAL: You think paying attention will you help you, but it won’t.
KID 2: What?
HUTSAL: Are we ready to start? Okay question one, B.  Two is A, three is also A, question four is C, five is D as in dog. Like a dog. D. Five is D. Six is B, seven C, eight A, nine B, and ten is C. Everybody got that? Pauses. Okay, let’s read from the textbook. Jared, will you read the first paragraph?
JARED: Sure. Reads from textbook: Electricity.  Electricity is present constantly in our daily-

HUTSAL walks out of the room.

JARED: Uh… should I keep going?
KID 4: Nah don’t bother.
JARED: Okay…

HUTSAL returns. 

HUTSAL: Well? Why did you stop reading?
JARED: Oh, well, you left.
HUTSAL: Well I’m back, so you can continue.
JARED: Okay… Reads: Electricity. Electricity is present constantly-

HUTSAL takes out his cell phone and starts playing with it.

KID 5: You already read that part.
JARED: I started again!
KID 6: Wait I’m lost, where are we?
HUTSAL: Yells: I wasn’t looking, I don’t know!
JARED: Should I keep reading?
HUTSAL: While flipping his phone open continuously: You know, when we were kids watching Star Trek, we always wanted something to flip.

HUTSAL continues flipping his phone, making a whirring noise with his mouth while he flips it open.

HUTSAL: Why would you want a noise when you flip your phone anyway? Are we reading about electricity? Electrical storms, I think they’re beautiful. People get killed by them every year.
JARED: Should I keep reading?
HUTSAL: No, we’re going to do an experiment about electricity! I have a balloon, and I’m going to rub it on someone’s head. Any volunteers? 

Nobody volunteers.

HUTSAL: Marissa, let me rub a balloon on your head.
MARISSA: Uh, okay.

HUTSAL rubs a balloon on MARISSA’s head for several minutes.

HUTSAL: I like lightning storms a lot though. They’re beautiful until somebody dies. Now let’s just see what happens if I – pauses – I just want to borrow you all afternoon!
MARISSA: Um… thanks.

HUTSAL removes the balloon from her head and sticks it to the wall.

HUTSAL: See that? It’s like magic! Electricity is great. Lightning! Lightning can be beautiful.  When I’m wearing a wool sweater over a shirt that isn’t wool, I like to take it off in the dark. It’s only nice until it hits something though, then it’s not so nice. It’s funny though, I’ve got about five or six green shirts, but no green sweaters – EVAN! Your goal is to get a credit in this class, not talk to your boy buddies!

Everyone snickers.

HUTSAL: It’s not a gay joke! You have buddies don’t you? And they’re boys. Stop being so homophobic! Anyway. Were we talking about ions? That’s electricity. Lots of ions, ions ions ions ions. Lots of ions! Anyways, Kyle, that is why my neighbour’s hair stands up before a thunderstorm.
KYLE: Um. Oh, I see.
HUTSAL: Okay, conductors.  Conductors are important to electricity… Not aluminum-copper though… but if you have… MAGNET. Uh… do you live in a rubber house?  Because a metal building is just as safe as a car.  But a house, little girls, is not a conductor. Now, the worksheet I gave you yesterday is telling me to explain this to you… Cars are metal. Does anyone have a grandma or grandpa with a huge car? As you get older your car gets bigger, that’s why. Some cars run on hydrogen, can you imagine if we were running on hydrogen? We run on oxygen. Some of you are taking up valuable oxygen though. What are you all waiting for? Get off your butt and start writing!
SAM: Whispering to KAR: I have no idea what I’m supposed to write down…
KAR: I’ve been writing down what he’s saying, it’s just a bunch of gibberish though.
SAM: Haha yeah, something about a balloon… and cars? I don’t know.
HUTSAL: Now, if you know all of these, you’ll get thirty-one out of thirty. No wait, I mean thirty out of thirty.
KID 7: But we don’t know how to do this worksheet.
HUTSAL: Because you guys screw around too much.
KID 7: The bell is going to ring soon…
HUTSAL: Well I guess it’s homework then. When we used to take notes, we would write our faces off! When you kids are in university, you’ll probably all have laptops.
KAR: Is this homework?
HUTSAL: Oh, I won’t be here tomorrow, so you’ll have a substitute.
KAR: Oh…kay.

The bell rings.

HUTSAL: Okay, see you guys on Wednesday.

Everyone leaves the class.

Drama Class


MR. ALEXANDER: Okay guys, settle down. Today I’m going to put you into groups and we’re going to build miniature sets.  We have small pieces of wood and glue and paint, and you’re going to have to work together to build the mini flats that you’ll need for the short play we read yesterday.  Any questions?

Nobody has any questions.

MR. ALEXANDER: Good. I’ve already made up the groups, so let’s see. Group one will be Kar'rina, KT, J.J., Kara and Danielle. You guys can go work in that corner over there.

MR. ALEXANDER points to the far corner of the room and the four students mentioned walk over there while the rest of the class is split into their groups (in the background).

LAUREN: Okay, so what flats will we need?
J.J.: One for the living room.
DANIELLE: One for the kitchen.
LAUREN: A bigger one for outside of the house I guess.
J.J.: Isn’t that it? 
DANIELLE: Oh, one for the kid’s bedroom?
J.J.: Oh yeah. Okay, I’ll do the kitchen.
DANIELLE: I wanna do the living room.
LAUREN: Okay, I’ll do the bedroom, and Caity and Karren, you guys can both do the house cause it’s the biggest?
KAR: All right. 
KT: It didn’t say the colour of it, does that mean we have creative control over how it looks?
J.J.: Yeah I guess so. It has to be reasonable though, a good house-colour.
DANIELLE: Yeah, brown maybe?
KAR: No, brown is boring. We’ll find something more interesting.
LAUREN: Okay… well I guess we can get started then?
J.J: Okay.

J.J, LAUREN and DANIELLE go off to get their supplies; KT and KAR sit at the table as CAITY pulls out some paper and a sharpie.

KT: This house is going to be awesome.
KAR: Haha yeah, I’m thinking a bright obnoxious colour would be best.
KT: Neon!
KAR: Yes! Neon orange?
KT: I was thinking neon green.
KAR: It could be both. With purple. And yellow stripes!
KT: Yes! Our group is going to hate us.
KAR: Haha that’s okay. Okay, we should draw out a sketch of this.

KAR pulls out her own piece of paper and a pen; her and KT both draw a house on their pieces of paper. After a couple of minutes:

KAR: Okay, um… our houses look completely different. Now what?
KT: Hmm… I think the best compromise would just be to use half of yours and half of mine.
KAR: Like… cut them both down the middle and attach them?
KT: Yeah, use the left half of mine and the right half of yours. 
KAR: Haha! Okay I’ll re-draw it. So, your half has a high roof and, wait, which door should we use? 
KT: It could have two doors. A double-door, like Jacob’s! 
KAR: Yeah! I put 666 as the address, you put 69 ‘Your Mom Road’.
KT: Well it has two doors, would make sense if it had two addresses too.
KAR: Kay awesome. 

KAR re-draws the house: the left half has a tall and steeply slanted roof, a curvy-shaped door, no windows, and ‘69 Your Mom Road’ written on it; the right side has a shorter and less slanted roof, four square windows, a rectangular door and ‘666 Hell Road’ written on it.

KAR: How’s this?
KT: Perfect!

The rest of the group returns and KAR hides all the house pictures.

J.J.: How’s the house coming?
KAR: Pretty good, we have some ideas.
DANIELLE: It doesn’t look stupid does it?
KT: Well that would really be opinionated.
KAR: No it doesn’t look stupid! It looks great.
KT: Should we start building the flats now?
KAR: Yeah all right.

KT takes the pages and puts them into her binder, then her and KAR walk over to the glue (poured into several cups), wood pieces, and Popsicle sticks.

KAR: How much will we need?
KT: We'll take a cup of glue, two pieces of wood and then a handful of sticks I guess. 
KAR: Okay.

KAR gathers up the material and they walk back to their table where the rest of their group is working on their flats.

KT: Kay.
KAR: Yes. Ah I already got glue all over my fingers.
KT: Good one.
KAR: It’s not even the good smelling stuff.
KT: Which glue is that?
KAR: That stuff at your house! The stuff I’m not allowed to eat anymore?
KT: Ohh, the carpenter glue. Yeah, this is probably just white school glue.
KAR: Boring.

The other group members are looking at KT and KAR and whispering to each other.

KAR: I think they think we sniff glue.
KT: Next time they look over here we should both be sniffing this.
KAR: Haha yeah. Should I go grab the whole bottle?
KT: Haha yes! Go get the bottle and we’ll sniff it.
KAR: Haha okay.

KAR runs over to the supply table and takes the whole jug of glue, then returns to the table where KT is sniffing the glue in the cup. KAR begins sniffing out of the container.

KT: Hey can we trade? You’re getting all the good fumes.
KAR: Yeah but I want another turn with that one.
KT: Yeah of course.

They switch glue containers and continue sniffing in an over-exaggerated manner. 

LAUREN: Uh… what are you guys doing?
KAR: Oh, I’m sorry, did you guys want some? 
DANIELLE: Oh my god, are you guys actually sniffing glue?
KT: Uh… no. Are you sniffing glue?
DANIELLE: We’re not sniffing glue! You were!

KT and KAR push the glue into the middle of the table, away from them.

KAR: Well we sure weren’t sniffing glue. 
KT: Must have been you.
LAUREN: Uh, we don’t sniff glue.
J.J.: Yeah that’s stupid.
KT: Well WE are trying to work on our projects, if you don’t mind.
KAR: You guys are mighty distracting.
LAUREN: You were sniffing glue!
KAR: KT, shall we go sit somewhere else?
KT: I think we might have to, some people are just so hard to work around.

KAR and KT pick up their papers and their glue and go sit on the floor in the corner, leaving their wood pieces on the table.  Once in the corner, they continue sniffing glue.  MR. ALEXANDER walks by and LAUREN calls him over to their table.

LAUREN: Mr. Alexander! Our group members are sniffing glue!
MR. ALEXANDER: Surprised and alarmed: What! Who’s sniffing glue?
DANIELLE: KT and Kar! Right over there in the corner!

KAR and KT look up from where they’re sitting, then continue sniffing from the containers.

MR. ALEXANDER: Oh… them. Yeah, just ignore them and work on your project.
J.J.: You’re not going to do anything?
MR. ALEXANDER: They’ll stop when they’re done, just work on your flats. 

MR. ALEXANDER walks away, KT and KAR burst out laughing while the other three just glare at them.

KT: That’s awesome.
KAR: Haha, ‘oh… them’. That’s great, we’re expected to sniff glue!
KT: That’ll show them for telling on us.
KAR: Yeah! Should we go back to our table? 
KT: Yeah maybe we should start the flats.

The bell rings, everyone gathers up their things and leaves the room.

KAR: Oh. Well next time then.
KT: We got a good start.
KAR: Yep.  Designed a house, killed some brain cells, pissed off our entire group… that’s a pretty productive first class. 
KT: Yep. So, see you after school?
KAR: Yep, see ya.

They go down different hallways and the scene ends. 


     Hello there, I am Barfy, the superhero.  Many of you may know me as Thomas, a mild mannered student at an ordinary junior high school.  That's who I am - when I'm not saving the world.  My sidekick is Caity the Smelly who doesn't really help; she's just in it for the cape.  Well actually her smell drives off evil villains, but she denies that and says it's me.  I feel obligated to tell you the story of my name now, so like it or not, here is the truth:
     It all started a day like any other, when Caity the Smelly (formally referred to as Caity) and I decided to become super heroes.  I needed a name, as all heroes do, so I asked Caity (my future sidekick) for an idea.  Immediately she came up with 'Barfy'.  I was appalled and demanded an explanation.  She simply told me it was because I roll around in barf.  Yes, the shocking truth comes out.  That is my secret - that is why I always smell so good.  I don't use perfume, I use barf.   So naturally I took it as a compliment, I was just appalled that she knew my smell-good secret.  So I agreed, and forever shall be known as Barfy.
     So then it was only fair that I pick her name, and since I naturally smell nicer (she doesn't roll in barf) I called her Caity the Smelly, because when I'm with her I always see people cover their noses and run.  I didn't mean it as a complete insult - it's just so true.  
     Caity the Smelly and I, Barfy, have saved the world many times from numerous super villains, but my favourite adventure began a few months ago...
     I was in my kitchen, enjoying a nice meal of cat when the phone rang.  I answered it but no one seemed to be there, I kept saying 'hello' for a few minutes but no one was responding.  That's when Caity the Smelly came in the door, dripping wet and looking very mad.
     "What's the matter Caity the Smelly?" I asked, hanging up the phone.
     "I've been standing in the rain waiting for you to answer the door for the last five minutes, so I decided to just come in.  And stop calling me Caity the Smelly!" she seemed perturbed at something, I haven't a clue what, but I pretended to show some sympathy and invited her in.
     "I was just having some cat, would you like to join me?" I asked, pouring myself a glass of cactus juice.
Caity the Smelly rolled her eyes.  She does not eat cat.  But she enjoys cactus juice, so I poured her a glass.  Then I drank it, so I told her if she wanted some there was a cactus in the living room she could use.
     While Caity the Smelly was preparing some cactus juice I picked up the newspaper and began to read.  There was an interesting story about Catman in the paper.  I read it, forgot it, and turned the page to read more important things, like the comics.
     Caity the Smelly sat down with her cactus juice.
     "So you've heard the news then," she assumed.
     "The news?" I asked blankly.
     "Catman trying to take over the world?" she asked impatiently.
     "Catman, the Christmas song?" I asked.  "You know, 'Jingle bells, Catman smells-'"
     Caity the Smelly interrupted me.  "No!  That's Batman.  We're talking about CATMAN!"
     "Oh, our rival, Catman!  The evil super villain!" It all made sense.
     "Yes, Catman.  He's trying to take over the world.  He must be stopped!"
     "This looks like a job for Barfy!" I jumped dramatically out of my chair, then sat back down to finish my cactus juice, then jumped up again, looking triumphant.
     Caity the Smelly glared at me.
     "And Caity the Smelly!" I added.
     Caity the Smelly rolled her eyes and said we had to go save the world. We had to get ready, duty called.
I wore a cape as my costume - it sounds simple, but it's not.  You have the long piece of material, that you have to tie around your neck, but you have to be very careful not to strangle yourself.  It takes time and effort, not so simple.  I packed a disguise as well, a super secret disguise, just in case.  Caity the Smelly had her cape on when she came, and her bag was packed.  I packed extra cactus juice too, just in case we were thirsty.  Also because I am addicted to cactus juice, but that is beside the point.
     Well, all was going well until we got lost.  Or at least, I got lost.  Actually I stepped on the end of my cape, got tangled up in it, fell down, and couldn't see.  So I started to freak out until I took the cape off my eyes.  Then I forgot where I was so I started to freak out again.  I was lost!
     "Barfy, get up.  We're not even off your driveway.  I told you to be careful with that cape!" Caity the Smelly was slightly impatient at times.  But I did as I was told and we continued down the street.
Before I go any farther, let me describe my neighborhood.  The people dress normally and they act fairly normal too.  But like stupid normal.  They don't wear capes, they don't randomly break into song, and they certainly don't save the world!  They also give us strange looks sometimes...all the time.  But that's what you expect when you're walking down the street with Caity the Smelly.  She's kind of insane.

     Alas, we were at the Lair of Catman.  A big, dark, scary tree house.   Catman wore stupid looking tights and a cape with a picture of a cat on it.  He's kind of lame.  He also eats crayons. 
     So anyway, Caity the Smelly and I began to walk toward the ladder of his tree house.  I mean lair...lair.  
     "Hey Caity the Smelly, wait!" I suddenly remembered something.
     "I had cat for breakfast!" I figured I should inform her.
     "And?" she asked, not understanding.  She's kind of slow.
     "Well, won't that offend him?  Catman, I mean.  Doesn't he worship cats?"
     Caity the Smelly looked annoyed with me.  "He's our enemy!  Do we care if we offend him?  Besides, how would he know you ate cat?"
     "Well, he might get even madder at us and give us a time out."
     Caity the Smelly glared at me.
     "Never mind.  I just won't tell him."
     "Good, don't tell him you ate cat.  Let's just go inside, quietly!"  Caity the Smelly led the way up the rope ladder, into the tree house-lair of Catman.
     We spent the next few minutes being very careful to not make any sounds at all.  Once we were inside we spotted Catman, sitting at a table, eating crayons.  
     "Barfy, listen to me.  We have to be very sneaky.  Don't make any noise!" Caity the Smelly whispered.
     "Okay, don't worry," I answered.  But after about three seconds I forgot what she had said.  I figured it was something stupid, because Caity the Smelly is kind of stupid.  So, I ran over to Catman and didn't tell him I ate cat for breakfast.
No, that was a lie.  I told him I ate cat for breakfast.
     Catman jumped up and shouted something, but I couldn't understand him because his mouth was full of crayons.  I told him I couldn't understand him so he said it louder.  I told him I still couldn't understand him and he said it even louder.  This went on for a few minutes until he was shouting so loud that he nearly lost his voice.  That's when I informed him he had crayons in his mouth.  
     Catman spit out the crayon, but then forgot what he was shouting about in the first place and invited me in for tea. 
     "Oh, thank you but I don't drink tea." 
     "Neither do I, but it made me feel important," Catman answered.
     "Oh, but I have some cactus juice in my bag.  Do you want some?" I offered.
     "Yes please!  I haven't had a decent glass of cactus juice in ages!" 
     I opened my bag and took out the container of cactus juice - freshly squeezed that morning!  I poured myself a glass, then I poured him a glass.  Then I drank it.  So I poured him another glass.
     "It's nice outside," I said as I sipped my cactus juice.
     "Oh really?  I haven't been outside yet today," Catman replied.
     "Yeah, I think it's supposed to rain later though."
     "It was supposed to rain yesterday as well but it didn't," Catman pointed out.
     "I know, and it doesn't look like rain today either."
     So Catman and I were pleasantly drinking our cactus juice and having a nice conversation when Caity the Smelly so rudely burst into the room.
     "BARFY!  What do you think you're doing?" Caity the Smelly yelled.
     "Oh, I'm so sorry.  Would you like a glass of cactus juice, Caity the Smelly?" I wasn't trying to be rude, I didn't know she had wanted some.
     "Not that!  Are you forgetting anything?" she asked, still looking mad.
     "Oh yes, silly me.  Catman, this is Caity the Smelly, my sidekick.  Caity the Smelly, this is Catman.  He lives here."
     Caity the Smelly started yelling at me again.  Something about "conversing with the enemy..." I don't know.  I wasn't listening.
     "Barfy, do you remember why we came here?  How long is your attention span?" Caity the Smelly asked impatiently.
     "Oh you know, about - hey Catman pass me a crayon," I saw Catman eating crayons and decided I would try one.
     "Of course, what colour?" he asked.
     "Hmm, which do you recommend?"
     "Here, try this one," he said as he passed me a blue crayon.
     "Why thank you!"   I took a bite.  "This is really good!  What colour is this?"
     "That's blue.  Do have another one," he insisted.
     "Don't mind if I do," he held out the box and I picked a yellow one.  The blue crayons have more flavor than the yellow.
     Caity the Smelly appeared to be very angry, though I hadn't a clue why.  I offered her a crayon to make her feel better.
     "Barfy, we need to talk!" she grabbed my arm and started to lead me away from the table.
     "Excuse me, I'll just be a moment," I told Catman as I left with Caity the Smelly.
     "Do you remember what our mission was?" Caity the Smelly asked me.
     "Ooh!  We get a mission?  Cool!  Can Catman play too?" Apparently that was the wrong answer.
     "He's what?" I asked, appalled.  That's when I vaguely remembered something about...something...and I lost it again.                               
     “Don't worry, Caity the Smelly.  I have everything under control!  Just let me go talk to him," I tried to assure her I knew what I was doing.  For some reason, I don't think she believed me.
     "Okay fine, you can have one more try.  Just do it subtly!"
     So I went back to the table and sat with Catman.
     We had a short discussion about crayons again, when I spontaneously jumped up and said with excitement, "I heard you're going to take over the world!  Is this true?"
     I found out later that Caity the Smelly had wanted me to do it subtly.  I thought she had said suddenly. 
     "Yes, it's true.  Would you like to join me?" he asked.
     "Sure!  Why not?"  Then I looked over at Caity the Smelly.  "I mean no, no.  Sorry, I'm actually here to try to stop you...and eat your crayons."
     "Oh...I see.  But I really wanted to rule the world!" Catman whined.
     "I'm sure we could work out a compromise!" I suggested.
     "Like what?" he asked.
     I had to think for a moment.  Then a brilliant idea came to me.
     "Okay, you can continue with your plan to rule the world, but you give us all your crayons."
     "Why all my crayons?"
     "Because I'm hungry."
     "Deal!"  Catman and I were about to shake hands on our deal when Caity the Smelly abruptly stopped us.
     "What do you think you're doing?  Crayons or no crayons, he'll still take over the world!"  Caity the Smelly was mad again.  
     "Yes," I answered, not quite seeing the point to Caity the Smelly's anger.
     "We're trying to stop Catman from taking over the world!" she exclaimed.
     "Who's taking over the world?"
     "Well Catman is trying to!"
     "Catman, would you do something like this?" I asked him.
     "No of course not," he said innocently.  "At least, I don't think so.  Would I?  You know I don't really remember.  Why don't you guys come back later?"
     "Okay sounds good.  Come on Caity the Smelly.  Thanks for having us!" 
     "No problem, drop by again some time!" he waved as I took Caity the Smelly's arm.
     "STOP!  Stop this instant!  You listen here, Barfy, I think-" that's when Catman stuffed a bunch of crayons in her mouth.  One was red, one was purple, two were green, and one was black.  He said they were snacks "for the road".  He gave me an orange one for the walk home.  I thanked him again for having us and led Caity the Smelly out the door.

     There's not a whole lot left to this story.  Catman and I became good friends and he decided to not take over the world, because he might get grounded.  Caity the Smelly and I are still good friends but she doesn't like Catman.  So that is how Caity the Smelly and I, Barfy, stopped the world from being taken over by the not-so-evil super villain, Catman.